Bite Me

I have just been to the WORST DENTIST IN CHICAGO.

Yeah, I know you’re thinking, “Girl, you don’t know from worst! My dentist [insert unthinkable dentistry actions here] this one time and he/she BLOWS!” But this dentist? He did something so horrifying, I almost can’t talk about it.

He left me with a humongous gap between my two front teeth.

I have red hair, dudes. Do you know what this makes me look like? The red hair? The gap you can drive a BMW through? Yeah. It makes me look like fucking Pippi Longstocking on acid.

I haven’t had a gap between my two front teeth since I was sixteen years old and Dr. Wolff up in Lake Bluff decided my teeth were NEVER going to come together in the front without a little help and he heaped a trough of “bonding” material onto those little protuberances of bone and erased my Lauren Hutton from memory. Since that time, I’ve had tons of bonding removed and replaced, but I’ve never had a space appear.

But the dentist at North Pier Dental didn’t seem to think a big glaring HOLE in the middle of my FACE was an issue. No. He just entered the room, didn’t offer me any Novocaine whatsoever, picked up a sanding drill and HAD AT IT. When he got down to what constituted my actual two front teeth he just said, “Huh. Lot of bonding there. Have you considered braces?”

BRACES? Yeah, I’ve considered braces. Especially when I had them TWENTY-THREE YEARS AGO. When I balked at the idea, he wasn’t very comforting. Instead, he just suggested four veneers and some bleaching and, when I started to cry because I knew how much all that would cost, he just sent in his “money girl” and had her hand me a sheet of paper explaining that which I already knew. I had about $3500 of cosmetic dental work coming my way, like, NOW. It appeared that I had two choices here: 1) Let Dr. Death plop about $3500 worth of porcelain onto my front four teeth, probably without benefit of any kind of painkiller AT ALL or 2) leave immediately with a gaping hole between my teeth and seek out a dentist who would just slap some more bonding up there and charge my insurance company for the trouble.

I chose option #2. And I will not be smiling again until someone puts a big piece of plastic between my teeth.

And, yes, I will be suing North Pier Dental immediately. If a loved one of yours is employed there, please don’t take this personally. But if not? DON’T GO THERE. EVER.

Unless you enjoy having your teeth sanded without Novocaine and being slapped with a big honking bill.

3 Comments so far

  1. Chicago Chick (unregistered) on June 25th, 2004 @ 2:31 am

    I have the BEST dentist – and he wouldn’t think of leaving you with a hideous gap. His name is Dr. Bock at Cityview Dental Arts. The address is 2232 W. Armitage (Bucktown area). Not only is he a great dentist, but he is freakin’ hillarious!

  2. Fuzzy Gerdes (unregistered) on June 25th, 2004 @ 3:40 am

    Let me add another great dentist — Dr. Michael Senegal. He’s downtown at 30 N Michigan (Suite 1029). Super nice. He doesn’t have any assistants — he does everything from cleanings on up.

  3. Patricia (unregistered) on January 31st, 2006 @ 1:48 am

    Dental fraud is a problem. Beware of unnecessary dental work (get additional opinions), always ask for a treatment plan before work is done (your right), ask for a copy of your file at each visit because if there are problems often files disappear, don’t be intimidated (take time to think over what you are told and get additional opinions), if you feel intimidated GET OUT OF THE OFFICE as soon as possible. Protect yourself at dentist offices and try to take someone with you. Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t “feel” right act to protect yourself. Many people complain and point out the lack of action regarding dental boards. It is up to you to try every possible way to avoid becoming the next dental victim. If you are scammed or harmed write letters to the dental board in your state, the attorney general, the health department. Report the circumstance in every possible way. The only hope to properly evaluate dental fraud is to document fraud and attempted fraud. Protect yourself, your loved ones, and warn innocent people. PHLT

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