Dear jackass in the Jeep on Leavitt last night,

I was on my way home from the bar where I had previously had a run-in with Parking Jackass #1 when I first saw you. On my way to drop off my sister & CP, I drove past my own house and you had your hazards on — blocking a perfectly good parking spot directly across the street from my house. I made everyone in the car aware that “If that jackass is still bogarting my spot by the time I get back, I’m gonna go apeshit”. I dropped off the passengers, picked up my dog, and dragged all of my sewing stuff out to the car with great efficiency. Spots right across the street from my front door at 11pm at night don’t come along very often. I was especially excited because I had a crapload of stuff that I had to carry inside with me. I turned down Leavitt, and there you were. Hazards on, in front of a perfectly good parking spot for no good reason. I gave you the evil eye as I drove past, and could see that you were just chillin like a villian in the front seat with a lady friend. End of a date? Were your scared to show her your inferior parking skills? Afraid that the physical act of parking the car would be too presumptuous and she would be forced to invite you in for coffee? Do adults still “park”? I thought that was for teenagers in the 50’s. I stalked around, waiting to see if you would move, but you didn’t. I ended up having to park at the end of the street and walk to the house with a hyperactive dog on a leash in one hand (pulling my arm out of its socket), and a sewing machine, bag of fabric and notions, purse and keys in the other hand. You didn’t move your lazy ass until 10 minutes after I walked inside. You, sir, are the biggest jackass I have seen all week. Congratulations.