Decoding Craigslist: Apartment Edition
Mr. Man and I have started to look for some new digs, and I am amazed at the remarkable repetition of misleading descriptors in apartment listings. Here is my deciphering guide for those in need…
“Near transportation” = Not near the train. Kind of near a bus, although possibly not near any transportation at all.
“Near Brown Line” = Near is a funny word, typically meaning up to 12 blocks away.
“X blocks to train” = Take X and multiply by 2.5 to get actual block distance.
“Recent Rehab” = Like the word “near” recent means “in the last 10 years”.
“Cute or Charming or Adorable or Cozy” = Ridiculously small.
“English Garden” = Just a regular garden unit.
“Close to nightlife” = Loud, people will barf on your sidewalk
“Street parking available” = If you are lucky enough to find it
“Close to Lake” = Within a mile of the lake
The award for winningest misconception: Did you know that a unit as far west as California Ave. can be considered in “Ravenswood”?
The award for most condescending agents that I would like to kick in the neck: The Apartment Source
The award for most honest apartment listing ever: $895 / 2br – Needed Tenant for a Shithole Apartment
The “woof” and “puuur” at the bottom of the shithole apartment listing is a nice touch.
it is my civic duty to now
bitch about my formal rental people
here goes
avoid rcn
all together
while the apartment was great
about 1600 square foot
in Lincoln Park (shut it)
for $1000
the people I had to deal with
was not worth it
I actually yelled at the guy
when I picked up the keys
because he called me a liar.
also had no fridge
for frist 10 days I lived there
avoid avoid avoid
sorry, I meant ICM
RCN was my cable
and something else to avoid.
but the apartment people were ICM Properties
Ravenswood Manor is out here in no-mans land – near Cali- between Albany Park and Drinkin’ Square – so maybe that is what they mean! :)
yep – icm sucks. they are the WORST management company. you know Mr. Kruger from Kruger enterprises on “Seinfeld?” That’s like ICM, except you don’t laugh and gaffaw at ICM becuase they’re too busy not fixing your heat, yelling at you when you call too much and allowing your fellow tenents to play their music as loud as they wish becuase they’re friends with the landlord. fuck you employees of ICM: i hope you get explosive diarrah for the rest of your lives.
My son along with 2 of his close friends died in a fire on June 7, 2005 in the apartment they leased from ICM. ICM did not provide smoke detectors as required by law
Be Careful….I paid the ultimate price for this companies neglegence
me and mrs are thinking about mmoving next year, glad i saw to avoid icm.