Gimme Speedbumps!

I’ve never really had a problem with speedbumps like most people seem to. Up until recently, I thought they were kind of annoying, but only due to the simple fact that I personally don’t drive 50mph down residential streets. You know, because of things like kids, cyclists, pigeons, pets, etc. I was surprised that there needs to be some sort of obstacle to prevent people from driving like complete idiots – who are these people that find it necessary to tear ass down treelined streets chock full of single family homes?

Apparently, they are the assholes that tear ass down my street. I live in a secluded part of Roscoe Village, in the highly residential area between Belmont – Diversey and Ashland – Damen. Let me preface this by saying that there is an elementary school less than a block away from my front door, and Hamlin Park is a whopping 100 yards down the road. Kids everywhere. Dogs everywhere.

None of this keeps people from revving their engine and peeling out at the stop sign in front of my house. I can sit in my living room with the windows open and hear about 25 people tear out in a single night.

Excuse me, but what the fuck people?

I understand that this area is pretty free of cops. And I understand that most of the streets are wide open one-ways. But, seriously. I am just biding my time until some jerkoff asshat drives his piece of shit car into my building trying to avoid hitting a small child.

I have never wanted speedbumps so bad in my life.

7 Comments so far

  1. Fuzzy (unregistered) on August 19th, 2005 @ 9:30 am

    Then write a letter to your alderman. That’s what they’re for.

    If you’re not sure who your alderman is, it’s easy to find out.

  2. Moon (unregistered) on August 19th, 2005 @ 11:24 am

    Motorcycles, that’s what they are there for.

    At least in my neighborhood. The motorcycle attention whores like to race up and down side streets making as much noise as possible.

    Bonus: when the speed bump gets a cab driver. There’s nothing sweeter than seeing one of these out of control cab drivers bottom out on a speed bump.

    Corollary question: why can a motorcycle get away with this lack of muffler where a car owner would get busted immediately?

  3. steven (unregistered) on August 19th, 2005 @ 12:19 pm

    I second Fuzzy’s comment. There has to be a way to request speedbumps on your street, especially with all of the kid/dog/school activity. Try giving city’s 311 line a call.

  4. eatchicago (unregistered) on August 19th, 2005 @ 12:29 pm

    “I am just biding my time until some jerkoff asshat drives his piece of shit car into my building trying to avoid hitting a small child.”

    Or actually hitting a small child?

    Fuzzy is right. Call your alderman and also go to your local CAPS meeting and start bitching up a storm (your alderman will have all the info). The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

    I love the sidestreet speed-humps.

  5. Fuzzy (unregistered) on August 19th, 2005 @ 12:40 pm

    Speed bumps are actually kinda fun on a motorcycle (shorter wheelbase and all). Whee!

    And if it makes you feel any better — those guys will go deaf soon enough. Hmm… except that just means they won’t notice when their bike is too loud.

  6. Marty Gleason (unregistered) on August 24th, 2005 @ 12:58 am

    aldermen are definitely in charge of getting traffic control items (signs, speedbumps etc) through the city council. My Alderman, TOm Tunney, got a new “no parking” sign in front of my building about a month ago due to pressure from my building (or so I hear).

  7. jerkoff (unregistered) on November 13th, 2005 @ 9:47 pm

    Nice blog, just wanted to say I found you through Google

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