At a James Blunt show? Yeah, almost. My wife and I went to the Riviera Friday night to see JB. All the Lincoln Parkers were on hand. We’re back by the bar, minding our own business. It’s a packed show, sold out. About 20 minutes left before the main attraction takes the stage, and out of nowhere, some idiot – some big, drunk, red-eyed idiot – walks up to me, beer in hand, and the following conversation takes place:

Idiot: You know, it’s ironic how, over time and countless civilizations, the importance has always been placed on intelligence. When actually, when it comes right down to it, all that really matters is physical size.
Me: (looking away and completely annoyed) That’s interesting…
Idiot: (leaning in nice and close) So what are you gonna do about it, motherfucker?

He now has my complete attention. Motherfucker? I’m shocked, thinking what the hell is this? We’re eye to eye, staring at each other. I tell him to get out of my face, and that I’m just here to see the show, but he doesn’t budge. At that point my wife puts her hand in between our faces, trying to cool things off, and the guy walks away saying something like “I didn’t think so.”

Still in shock but getting angrier by the second, we decide to walk away. What he really deserves is to have his ass knocked to the ground, but it’s not worth taking it that far. Enjoyable? Yes, definitely. Justified? Absolutely. But the last thing I need, at worst, is to be locked up for a night. So instead my wife walks up to the security desk and informs them of what just happened. I point the guy out and we all stand at the desk while both of our IDs are checked and the report is written up. Because if this guy doesn’t have my boot up his ass, the least I can do is get him kicked out. Which is ultimately what happened. But not before we witness his wife slapping and screaming at him, saying “What did you do?!!? He does this all the time!!!” Good stuff.

Days later, I’m still thinking about it. Should I have smacked him? Yeah, but we handled it the right way. It’s funny though….I’ve been to some crazy shows in the past 15 years – NIN, Ministry, KMFDM – without a single incident. But I go to a James Fuckin’ Blunt concert and some asshole wants to take me on. Goes to show you never know what’s going to happen on any given night.

Out of all this, I have a renewed respect for venue security. They were extremely professional and courteous, and dealt with the situation right away. More than I could have asked for. Hats off to them.

My wife and I have since joked that as time goes on, we should gradually change the story so that it’s James Blunt who wants to kick my ass…