Photo from the Knob Creek website.

If you read the print edition of the Tribune, you may have come across the following article in today’s paper:
“Boom town- He likes guns. You got a problem with that?”

The article is all about Knob Creek Gun Range in my home state of Kentucky. See, Knob Creek isn’t your average shooting range. Twice a year, they host the “Machine Gun Shoot-Out.” The Trib article actually does a oretty good job of setting the scene, however they do leave out some crucial details. How do I know? Because, as a native Kentuckian, I’ve attended the MGSO at least 4-5 times in my life. I know what you’re thinking- “But nikkos…!” Yeah, I know, whatever. Such are the contradictions of nikkos.

Anyways, here’s what the Trib DIDN’T tell you about the MGSO:
• Yes, you can pay for a ride in a Viet Nam-era Huey helicopter, but the Trib failed to mention that you can also rent a flamethrower. You read that right: a FLAMETHROWER. You are encased in one of those silver-reflective flight suits with visored helmet and an honest-to-god military surplus flamethrower is strapped to your back. The flamethrower rental area is easy to spot- there’s a huge military surplus truck that acts as a mobile refueling station, and silver-clad people spraying geysers of flame 30 feet in front of them.

• The Trib also neglects to mention that the coolest part of standing on the firing line and watching the big gins erupt (and I mean BIG guns: Quad 50 cal’s, Miniguns, etc.) is that they are not just shooting at junked cars, boats and appliances. They are shooting at junked cars, boats and appliances which have been equipped with good -sized explosive charges, handily marked by a day-glo orange sticker. Aim for the sticker, hit the mark, and that junked conversion van erupts in a ball of flame. The concussion wave of the blast travels back to you in the grandstands much to the audience’s delight.

• The Trib was also pretty soft on the militia, confederate and out-and-out cracker presence at the show, as well as mentioning that it only stands to reason that this place is crawling with undercover ATF agents- they are selling machine guns as well as shooting them, after all.

• The Trib also missed out on the “Night Shoot,” wherein all the shooters string up belts of mostly tracer ammo- watching the phosphorous illuminated rounds streak downrange, errant shots skipping off into the trees like mad red and green hornets, is astounding.

• All in all, once you see the MGSO, you can understand a bit better what war must be like- albeit from safely behind the firing line. Imagining oneself on the receiving end of such withering fire is basically impossible- the brain simply balks at the idea that anything could live.

So gather up the kids, the whole family and take ’em out for a wholesome day of destruction at KCGR! Tell ’em nikkos sent ya! On second thought…