Through a rather unfortunate series of events, I think that last night I may have discovered what might just be the most dastardly evil facing sweet, barbeque-loving Chicagoans this summer–cue ominous music: undercooked shrimp.

That’s right, folks. There is nothing in the world like enjoying mild summer temperatures, a gin gimlet or three, and a seemingly delightful shrimp shish kabob only to spend the next fifteen hours wishing you’d never been born.

So be careful, Chicago! Choose your friends (the more expertise on the ol’ grill, the better) and your fish (well-done, por favor) wisely and you can escape my fate. We’ll just say I took one for the team.

This Public Service Announcement brought to you by the only thing I’ll be eating today, Premium® brand saltines.