Bears Nearly Tank It

Too late to go over the Bears’ meltdown that almost lost the game yesterday to the lowly Bucanneers, but I’m a little nervous about the defense still. Tell me they’re injured and playing soft with nothing left to accomplish and I’ll say okay, but come on, they should be teeing off on these teams, for four quarters. Let’s get it together! At least we have a solid QB and not some second-string journeyman, eh?

I’ll admit that when the Tank Johnson situation arose last week I jokingly put the team first and wondered what kind of cop would arrest our guy in the middle of a Super Bowl run. But then it got ugly. There were kids and guns and drugs, and then someone died. A whole lot of bad judgment going on over there in Tank’s world. The dude must go.

But what I really want to know is, what does a 6-foot-3, 300-pound man need a bodyguard and all those guns for?

Is Tank Johnson really scared of something? He’s a giant man, and he hits people for a living. Hard. If you put two of me together I would still be 20 pounds less than this guy. He should be my bodyguard. That is, if I were a paranoid, semi-famous athlete (well, he’s infamous now) who inexplicably felt the need for protection. But I’m not, and I don’t. What, is someone going to beat him up? Good thing he has all those guns to protect him just in case. Tank can hole up and fight his own war against any army, from his bunker in…Gurnee, Illinois (he lives on the bad side of town, I hear).

As of this writing Tank is still with the team, but it appears that he will be gone soon. It’s too bad, the Bears are going to miss him in the playoffs.

2 Comments so far

  1. Danny Doom (unregistered) on December 19th, 2006 @ 2:05 pm

    From what I’ve heard Tank will not be leaving the team, which is a surprise to me. I guess we’ll see. Wait for all the facts, says Lovie! Alright…

    Upside: kinda intimidating to have this guy line up across from you, I would think. There I go again, thinking about the team first.

  2. Danny Doom (unregistered) on December 19th, 2006 @ 5:42 pm

    I’m just going to keep having this conversation with myself since the metblog world has gone to sleep.

    Looks Tank has been suspended for one game, Danny.

    Yeah, pretty light punishment.

    But really, what did he do that was so wrong?

    Well, he had all these bad-ass weapons and shit.

    Okay, but they’re registered legally in Arizona, from what I understand.

    Well, Danny, we’re not in Arizona, now are we?

    No, I guess not. It’s not like he killed someone.

    No, he didn’t. He just acted a bit irresponsibly.

    Yeah. So let’s just forget this all happened and cheer him on the next time he kicks the shit out of an opposing player in the playoffs.

    Sounds like beautiful, controlled NFL violence to me, Danny Boy!

    You got it, buddy.

    Let’s go get a drink, eh?

    You read my mind!

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