The Tribune has a story today with the headline “Giraffe apparently strangled at Brookfield zoo”.

Yes, it’s sad, but when I first read that headline I wondered, “who’s hands are big enough to strangle a giraffe?” I then wondered who would be so cruel as to choke a giraffe. Somewhere there must be an angry, mean, big-handed man running about the Chicago suburbs. And I was a bit scared till I read the article.

Turns out the Giraffe did it to himself:

Zoo officials said they were aware of the giraffe’s long-reaching capabilities and curiosity, but said they were stunned as to how he was able to reach over his enclosure door, around a 90-degree angle, and across a 6 ½-foot span to become caught up in the rope, which was fastened with multiple safety clips in order to keep it flush against the wall.

Now I feel foolish, but it still sounds suspicious. Orangutans would be my most likely suspect because I read Edger Allen Poe’s “Murders in the Rue Morgue”.