New York has to have fancy international artists come to town to make odd industrial waterfalls. We get them for free with our demolitions.

The class begins today at the Zen Buddhist Temple(1710 W. Cornelia Ave). It goes from 7pm to 8:30 (though don’t get too hung up on time, it can go long sometimes). The cost is $160 and the course lasts 8 weeks. If you’re interested you can give them a call 773-528-8685.

A couple of months ago I decided I need to learn to meditate. At the time, I was a first year teacher teaching 33 8th graders all subjects on the west side of Chicago. I also heard that meditation might help with a whole bunch of health related things such as ADHD, stress, and high blood pressure.

Teaching is a stressful job in and of itself. Add to that the fact that I was teaching way too many students every single subject (which is way too much planning for one teacher) and the other stresses of being a Chicago public school teacher (such as not getting paid for a month due to an accounting error), then it makes sense that I had high blood pressure and a pretty negative mental state.

I’ve always had an interest in Zen Buddhism partly because of my fascination with samurai and the Beat Generation. So I signed up for a five week zen meditation course at the Zen Buddhist Temple. I loved it for two reasons: one, it is a great and thorough introduction to the practice of mediation, and, two, it was a wonderful and insightful introduction into the ways and beliefs of Zen Buddhist. And meditating felt great, especially after a crazy day in the classroom. However, meditation is not easy for me. My thoughts move fast, and my body does not like to hold still. That means that I would get frustrated when the yoga instructor in the organic cotton sweat pants makes meditation seem like the easiest thing to do and find time for. Sure it’s easy if your job consists of helping adults stretch for an hour. Try spending 6 hours absorbing a deluge of misdirected anger while trying to get an unenthusiastic group of youth to focus on passing state standardized tests in math and reading so your school does not get shut down, then close your eyes and see what your brain has to say. (Quick post script to that: my students were 80% passing in reading and math which is pretty amazing and worth me taking this time to brag about it)

I am not telling you my frustrations to let you know I should have chosen to be a yoga teacher instead of an 8th grade teacher. I am telling you my frustrations because I want you (the person who is interested in Buddhism and/or meditation) to not be intimidated, and go learn. I still suck at meditation, but it is a practice. Like any practice, it’s awkward and difficult at first. Take time to enjoy that awkwardness and difficulty because as adults we don’t experience that enough. I also don’t make a very good Buddhist, but I’m a pretty lousy follower of any religion including atheism.

If you don’t have the money or can’t commit five Tuesdays, then stop by the temple for one of their two Sunday meditations. There is a service at 9:30am and 4:00pm. The services involve sitting meditation, chanting, and a dharma talk. If you are not sure what to do then just follow what the other people do. I never do the chanting since I do not know the Korean words they are saying. The dharma talks are talks lead by the head of the temple about some aspect of Buddhism, and are more enjoyable then my lackluster description just made them. In fact, the dharma talks are my favorite part of the services. Afterwards, you can have tea and go to an “ask a Buddhist” session to quench your curiosities about Buddhism.

Meditation is not a panacea, but it definitely helped me. Hopefully, it can do the same for you.

(”my other vehicle is the Mahayana” photo by ktheory)

Whew. I haven’t been in my metblog account in what feels like an eternity. Turns out that exploring Chicago and settling in takes longer than I anticipated.

I’ve been doing a lot of things Chicago-related. Just in the past three weeks, I’ve gotten new ink at Chicago Tattoo and Piercing Company, discovered some amazing food, and seen some great shows.  I’ll save the food and shows for other posts, since I’m a bit backed up. But right now, let’s talk about my tat!

A few weeks ago, when a friend was in town for her birthday, we decided we were going to get tattoos. Kind of an impulse, I know, but it was something I had been thinking about for a while.

I made some calls and was referred to The Chicago Tattooing and Piercing Company (1017 W. Belmont). We hopped on the bus and headed south, and when we walked in the door, we were pleased with our decision.

The business is very clean and professional looking (unlike the place where I got my first tattoo) and the man who did my tattoo (Mike) was lovely. He was patient with me, and he explained everything he was doing as he went along. He even talked me out of getting it on a specific part of my body, because the quality would be bad. He didn’t have to do that, and I know a lot of 19-22 year-old girls that are proof positive that not every tattoo artist does do that!

The whole thing, which I’ll post a picture of just as soon as I have a functional camera, only took about 20 minutes and was fairly cheap….as far as tattoos go, anyhow.

So, if you’re itching for some ink, and I know you all are (right??), head over to the Chicago Tattooing and Piercing Company.  If nothing else, they won’t let you get a bad tattoo….

Don’t Spit the Water is going to Hollywood, CA to audition for Comedy Central. That’s right! We are an amused programmer away from being on basic cable which is my glib nonchalant way of hiding the excitement of possibly doing comedy for a living.

However, traveling to LA is expensive. And we don’t make any money doing the show in Chicago, and we don’t make gobs of money working for a (from left to right in the picture) homeless shelter, Chicago public radio, and the Chicago public school system. In case you were wondering, I’m the guy in the lucha libre mask sans shirt.

That means we need your help to make this trip less expensive for us. All you have to do is join us for drinking, eating, and karaoke at Trader Todd’s this Thursday 8pm-10pm for Blewt! Sings! Your $40 will help send us on our way to stardom and on your way to all you can drink and eat and sing. The crazy characters from Don’t Spit the Water (recently featured on WGN morning news) will be there performing special songs just for the night.

If you can’t make it out on Thursday, then go our website anyway and donate what you can to help us out. Help Chicago’s favorite live comedy game show become America’s favorite live comedy game show!

Last night I saw a preview for the new Second City e.t.c. show, Campaign Supernova!, or How Many Democrats Does It Take to Lose an Election. It was Friends and Family night, ’cause that’s how I roll. (Actually, my wife works there.) I have a number of friends who are involved with Second City in some capacity, so I find myself seeing shows there on a semi-regular basis. Last night I saw probably the best SC show I have ever seen.

In the late ’60s my dad went to high school on the South Side and he used to go to Second City shows all the time. He told me once that he regretted never auditioning or taking classes there himself. When he comes into town nowadays we try to get over there and see whatever’s going on. He still loves it, but he has often wondered what happened to their “edge.” I wasn’t sure what he meant. I mean, all of their shows are topical, address current politics, whatever.

Then came last night, and suddenly I think I know what my dad has been talking about.

The lights came up, they grabbed the crowd by the balls and did not let go. It was relentless. I hurt myself laughing. But even better, there were moments when this cast dared not to be funny. One scene involved the female cast members jumping back and forth between a trio of Lincoln Park trixies at a gym and three Middle-Eastern women torn by war and oppression. The overall effect made the whole wide-eyed audience sit up and say, “Yikes.” But in a really, really good way.

The theme of the evening focused on normal Americans’ desire to do good in the world, and how that desire is tempered by the temptations and necessities of living in modern America. A stand-out scene centered on a couple on their wedding day, their relationship strained by the effort of making everything socially conscious, while secretly they yearn for overpriced-yet-useless knickknacks from Crate and Barrel.

The cast worked together with a precision rarely seen in sketch comedy. The musical moments and choreography were sharply executed, and every performer had stand-out moments. The closing moments in particular held moments of poignancy and hilarity combined.

Also, there are paper mache puppets. You know you don’t want to miss that.

Campaign Supernova!, or How Many Democrats Does It Take to Lose an Election officially opens Thursday, May 8. (Yes, I copy-and-pasted the title just then. I’m not typing that beast twice.)

So, I started taking percussive dance at the Old Town School of Folk Music. Man. Not only is Old Town totally awesome, the class is amazing!

There is no required skill level for my class, so it’s very diverse and fun. From novice to professional dancers, to hobbyists like myself. I had to dust off my old tap shoes in order to, well, percuss, and it was sooooo much fun. it’s like STOMP!, but I’m the one stomping!

I had so much fun that I didn’t realize how sore I was until a day later! My body is definitely mad at me - I haven’t danced for sport in, ohhhh, a decade or so. Mild pain and discomfort aside, I love this class.

I love Old Town.

The DC Comedy Fest is in town checking out Chicago’s talent which gives us two great FREE shows.

Tuesday, go see the free show over at the Beat Kitchen (2100 W. Belmont) as The Chicago Underground Comedy folks present Chicago’s best stand-ups. The action starts at 9:30, but get there earlier to make sure you have a seat to check out: Nick Vatterott, Adam Burke, Brendan McGowan, Dan Telfer, Carrie Callahan, Brady Novak, Fay Canale, Steve O. Harvey, and Chad Briggs.

Wednesday, The Playground Theater (3209 N. Halsted) is hosting the sketch portion of the DC Comedy Fest auditions. This one is also FREE (what a beautiful word) and starts at 7pm. The amazing acts performing will be: The Puterbaugh Sisters, Seeder & Lee, Turbo, Hey You Millionaires, Ken Barnard, and Money Kids.

Thursday, local stand-up favorite Prescott Tolk will perform at The Lakeshore Theater (3175 N. Broadway) at 8pm. Tickets are $10, but if you missed him on Comedy Central then fork over the dough. He’ll be recording his live comedy album I Can Complain. Your laughs could be famous.

Friday (and Thursday too), Chicago’s best stand-up prankster Ken Barnard will be doing his “three-in-one man” show titled Get Into It. This will take place at The Lincoln Lodge (4009 N. Lincoln) at 9pm. As someone who is constantly entertained by Ken’s shenanigans (such as protesting the filling of the Montrose hole), I will gladly pay the $10 to see what he’ll do next.

Finally, on Saturday, sketch group Schadenfreude will be hosting one of their famous rent parties. These are always a blast of the best sketch, stand-up, music, and what ever else happens on the stage. This will be at Silvie’s Lounge (1902 W. Irving Park Rd) and feature Annoyance comedy goddess Susan Messing and music from Lola Balatro. Fun starts at 9pm and is another measly $10 for hours of raucous goodness.

My dad was in town this weekend, which means I got to break the monotony of grilled cheese and cereal and eat at a Real Restaurant. Sweet. This week’s choice was Magnolia Cafe in Uptown, and boy, was it ever tasty. As a vegetarian, the pickings were pretty slim, but the options I did find were darn good. I started off with yummy little thyme and goat cheese potato cakes that were totally worth burning the crap out of my tongue for, followed by, quite possibly, the best mixed green and bleu cheese salad I’ve ever eaten. (I didn’t realize how into the greens I was until my dad, after watching me greedily chase around the last dried cranberry on my plate for twenty seconds asked, “Good salad?”)

Dinner was a wild mushroom and herbed ricotta pizza, and although the crust was fantastic and the other toppings were delicious, the overly chewy mushrooms made this my least favorite point in the meal, but that was soon forgotten when the gooey chocolate bread pudding arrived accompanied by a perfectly shaped scoop of vanilla ice cream. I feel bad that my dad is cutting back on his sugar intake right now, but man, did I not want to share that dessert, so it worked out well for both of us.

Okay, I went to my new stylist on Saturday, and I only have two words to describe my experience; holy hell. Not only were the salon employees awesome in general, but my new (and favorite) stylist Ken was ah-mazing!

I sat in his chair, crazy nervous, and attempted to explain to him what my ideal haircut/color was. I did a terrible job (my verbal fluency is the first thing to go when I’m nervous), and he still managed to give me the most amazing overhaul I’ve ever had! It was everything I imagined and then some! So, if you need new hair, or just a haircut/touch up, go see Ken at Salon 10 (5245 N. Clark). Tell him Nellie sent you.

Next item on the agenda - headshots. I’ve been dreading the stupid headshots for a long time, but I think I finally have to buckle down and just get it done. My friend Lindsey is going to do them, and let me just tell you, she’s amazing. She’s one of the only people I trust to take my picture, and she’s an all-around amazing artist. If you’re in need of a good headshot, or just a good piece of art, you should definitely check her out.

Who’s that hamming it with with Rock of Love 2’s Ambre Lake (and her best friend Adam, from the Exes Episode)? Why, it’s me! Am I shy about exploiting my friend’s new-found fame? I guess not! For the spoiler-shy, I’ll hide the rest after the jump… Read more