What could be an easier way to contribute to charity then watch a comedy show? How about if that show has some of Chicago’s best stand-up comedians in it. Boom! I’m sold.

This Friday at 9 PM, amazing Chicago comedian Carrie Callahan will be hosting a benefit comedy show called “Easier Then Running a Marathon”. It takes place at the Lincoln Restaurant (home of the famous comedy showcase The Lincoln Lodge) at 4008 N. Lincoln. The cost is only $10 and all proceeds go to AIDS research.

Then, Saturday is “Angel’s Farewell Show”. This is a send off to much beloved Chicago comedy super-fan Angel Busque. The show will feature her favorite Chicago comedians which means for only $10 you can see Jason Fever [The Mockumentals], Brian Potrafka [Doug Stanhope's The Unbookables, author of "Small & Wrong"], Dan Kaufman (The Bob & Tom Show), Sean Flannery (producer and co-host of the Internet radio talk show the Visitors Locker Room), David Kovac (Performed at the request of Mayor Richard M. Daley for the 73rd Annual U.S. Conference of Mayors), Ricky Carmona (HBO Latino), Brendan McGowan (Chicago Underground Comedy), CJ Sullivan (Visitors Locker Room, Chicago Tribune’s Red Eye), Renee Gauthier (Victoria Beckham: Coming to America), Cayne Collier (producer of Chicago’s longest running stand-up showcase, the Elevated), hosted by local favorite Bradley Fojas (NBC’s Stand Up for Diversity). Plus, all the money goes toward Lupus Foundation of America, Illinois Chapter. Doors for this show open at 7:30 and the show starts at 8 PM.

Back in February of this year, I heard some rumblings about a Chicago Comedy Festival taking place on Navy Pier during the autumn of this year. It’s supposed to have 100 performers, three stages, and a partridge in a pear tree. I know it’s still summer, but we’re not too far from autumn, and I have yet to hear anything more about this Chicago Comedy Festival (the website is just a placeholder with no information). I’m intrigued, but it’s easier to find information on the Just for Laughs festival coming to Chicago in summer of 2009. I was starting to loose hope that this Chicago Comedy Festival thing was going to happen.

Then today I found this youtube channel labeled Chicago comedy festival. This channel has been uploading segments of a documentary hosted by comedy legend Bob Zmuda about the Chicago Comedy Festival from 2001 over the past two days. If you have 30 minutes (or eight chunks of about five minutes) and you have an interest in comedy, then check out these videos. The documentary is filled with comedy treats, but one of the biggest treats for me was seeing one of my favorite rooms in Chicago, The Lincoln Lodge, pop up around the 2:30 mark in this segment. During that segment you also get to see alternative comics like Neil Hamburger, and SNL’s Fred Armisen playing his character Fericito. Of course, Chicago comedy stalwart, Zanies, is there with a whole mess of amazing comedians to numerous to list. To start you off, I’ll put the first part of the documentary here:

This is not a Chicago thing, but it is an internet thing (of which we are a part, except for that creepy guy in the back…he needs to leave).

Alaska Senator Ted Stevens has been indicted for failing to report income. All of us on teh internets know and love Senator Stevens for his depiction of the internet back in 2006:

Ten movies streaming across that, that Internet, and what happens to your own personal Internet? I just the other day got… an Internet was sent by my staff at 10 o’clock in the morning on Friday, I got it yesterday [Tuesday]. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the Internet commercially.

[...] They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the Internet. And again, the Internet is not something that you just dump something on. It’s not a big truck. It’s a series of tubes. And if you don’t understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it’s going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material

We all know that the internet is not a series of tubes, but, rather, a series of funny cat pictures with misspelled text. And the internet might not be a dump truck, but the Steven’s house sure is:

Prosecutors say Mr. Stevens, who referred to his home as “the chalet,” accepted goods and services worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, ranging from an outdoor grill to extensive home remodeling and architectural advice. Not only did Mr. Stevens fail to report the items on his Senate financial disclosure form, as required, but he took active steps to conceal the receipt of the goods and services, the indictment says.

I’m guessing that Senator Stevens then hid the receipts in a series of tubes in his back yard.

ZING! I’ll take my net neutrality with a side of schadenfreude please.

As reported on boingboing.net this morning, talented Chicago artist Matthew Woodson is accepting commissions to help pay for his medical bills (you can check out some of his art here). What’s he recovering from? A FREAKIN’ POISONOUS SPIDER BITE! Here’s the rundown from his blog:

On Monday of last week I was bitten by a yet unknown poisonous spider on my right knee. By Tuesday I was running a high fever and unable to walk. On Friday evening I collapsed and was rushed to the ER. After a series of x-rays and a whole lot of examination, I was informed that I had a rather large abscess and cellulitis due to the spider’s bite. I was sent home early Saturday morning after having my knee surgically “drained”, and in more pain than I have ever been in. After a doctor’s appointment this Monday, another abscess was drained and I was informed that I would need to see a doctor weekly until the wound had healed, which could possibly take up to 8 months. Within these 8 months there will remain the very real threat of the infection spreading into the bone of my knee, as well as the possibility of blood poisoning.

All of this happened to Matthew between changes in insurance companies which means he’ll have to pay for all of that expensive medical care the way 47 million other Americans do which is out of pocket. I recently had to have simple outpatient surgery on a bulging disk in my neck. I have insurance and a steady job, yet still had to pay an enormous amount of money for the surgery and physical therapy. I cannot imagine how expensive this spider bite recovery is going to be. Unfortunately, I do not have the money to hire Matthew. You might though. Here’s what he laid out for those of you looking to hire him:

Any possible commission you could have for me; gifts, wedding invitations, cards, wall art, tattoos, anything. I am interested in the job. I will also definitely consider larger personal commissions, considering the work involved. I would prefer to only be working in black and white, but don’t be afraid to ask about color. I haven’t exactly figured out how pricing will go yet, but obviously pricing will be negotiable and varying, but for small to medium sized drawings I was thinking between $100 - $500 through paypal.

Don’t have $100-$500 but like Mr. Woodson’s work. Then head on over here and pick up a $20-$40 print of his work and help a Chicago artist out.

Local pickup only, indeed.

You are bidding on a magnificent piece of public art. I am selling it in hopes that it will go to a deserving owner. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just taking up too much space and I am tired of getting comments from people who say it looks like a baboon or an aardvark or Larry King.

This is a statue by the artist Picasso, and is 41 years old. It comes with a certificate of authenticity, which I wrote myself.

Statue is in excellent condition despite its age. Has some minor wear and tear due to frequently being climbed on and constant use in photos by tourists. This use has only added to the item’s value and has been appreciated by many for years and would make a lovely addition to any home, garden or museum. I will not sell it to you if you tell me you are just going to sell it for scrap. You must show me a picture of where you will be keeping it, or I will not accept your bid.

Item may be viewed prior to purchase, no appointment necessary. Item must be picked up - WILL NOT SHIP! It is fifty feet high and weighs 162 tons. So you will probably need to rent a truck, and bring a few friends with you.

Due to the precious nature of this item, I cannot accept a check, money order or cashier’s check. I do accept PayPal.

(via Time Out Chicago)

Whew. I haven’t been in my metblog account in what feels like an eternity. Turns out that exploring Chicago and settling in takes longer than I anticipated.

I’ve been doing a lot of things Chicago-related. Just in the past three weeks, I’ve gotten new ink at Chicago Tattoo and Piercing Company, discovered some amazing food, and seen some great shows.  I’ll save the food and shows for other posts, since I’m a bit backed up. But right now, let’s talk about my tat!

A few weeks ago, when a friend was in town for her birthday, we decided we were going to get tattoos. Kind of an impulse, I know, but it was something I had been thinking about for a while.

I made some calls and was referred to The Chicago Tattooing and Piercing Company (1017 W. Belmont). We hopped on the bus and headed south, and when we walked in the door, we were pleased with our decision.

The business is very clean and professional looking (unlike the place where I got my first tattoo) and the man who did my tattoo (Mike) was lovely. He was patient with me, and he explained everything he was doing as he went along. He even talked me out of getting it on a specific part of my body, because the quality would be bad. He didn’t have to do that, and I know a lot of 19-22 year-old girls that are proof positive that not every tattoo artist does do that!

The whole thing, which I’ll post a picture of just as soon as I have a functional camera, only took about 20 minutes and was fairly cheap….as far as tattoos go, anyhow.

So, if you’re itching for some ink, and I know you all are (right??), head over to the Chicago Tattooing and Piercing Company.  If nothing else, they won’t let you get a bad tattoo….

May I brag for a minute? By some cosmic twist, a reticent, relatively unambitious blogger (me) has become co-producer of arguably the best alternative stand-up showcase in Chicago (Chicago Underground Comedy).

Every Tuesday night, our show features four of our performers and two or three guests, including other promising up-and-comers in the Chicago stand-up talent pool, returning Chicago friends have found success on the coasts, and sometimes, comedy heroes whose resumes and upcoming projects are enough to make us stutter with awe when they take our stage.

Night before last we had what may be the strongest show we’ve ever produced. The lineup included our hugely creative and talented castmembers Dan Telfer (my co-producer, and a sometime contributor to this site), Sean Flannery, Prescott Tolk, and Adam Burke, and our pal Hannibal Buress, who’s dashing between appearances on Comedy Central’s Live at Gotham, Chicago Public Radio’s 848, the Craig Ferguson Show and a featured spot in the upcoming DC Comedy Festival.

Then there was the guest lineup, that had our packed house falling out of their chairs.

Get this: former Saturday Night Live writer Michael McCarthy (who’s moving to LA to write a pilot for Showtime), Chicago native Jimmy Dore, who’s about to have his first one-hour special on Comedy Central, and our pal John Roy, who comes home to Chicago every so often to sharpen up his bits for his latest Jay Leno or Craig Ferguson appearance.

Check out this ten minute highlight reel (edited by yours truly). If you’re at work, watch the audio, though, since the show included a tribute to George Carlin’s “Seven Words” bit (and because we’re comedians) there are a few naughty words included.

If you like what you see, pop into our show some Tuesday at the Beat Kitchen (2100 W. Belmont). It’s well worth the $5.

There have been a couple of bicycling tragedies in the last few weeks here in Chicago, with two vibrant young people (one of them a fifth grade teacher) lost. Both stories are very sad, and very sobering reminders that real dangers exist for city folks who ride their bikes.

Where I’m from, suburban/rural Indiana, the worst hazards a cyclist faced were overzealous farm dogs and the occasional stray litter of pigs spilling out into the road. Here in the city, I’ve learned to watch out for cars, and, more specifically, it’s wise to assume that not only do cabbies not see you coming, they’re actually out to get you. I swear that every time I venture out on two wheels, even in broad daylight, there are at least two or three cabbies who pull sharp u-turns directly in my path, sometimes simply stopping right in front of me. Maybe they think my bike is a hovercraft and I can simply fly over the top of their cabs? I’m not sure. The point is: bike defensively, folks.

Now that the safety lecture is over, ten reasons to ride your bike more:

1. It’s free. It’s not $4.00 a gallon to fuel up, and it’s not $1.75 on your CTA card. Granted, at most gas stations it’s a quarter to pump up your tires, but mile for mile, biking is cheaper than any other form of transportation.

2. A wide range of health benefits: you will increase your stamina and boost your muscle power with all that cardio. You’ll also sleep better and enjoy elevated moods. Winter depression begone!

3. No pee smell, like on the CTA.

4. All that cardio will rev up your metabolism, and prompt your body to crave healthier food.

5. You get cool points every time you walk into a party or other social gathering with your helmet in hand. Double cool points if you rode through even the tiniest amount of precipitation. (”Dude, did you ride here in the rain?” Shrug this off casually with a “Yeah, whatever, it’s cool.”)

6. You’ll also score hot points. Exercise is good for your sexual health and with the inevitable few pounds dropped and an increase in your energy, you’ll be hotter and friskier before you know it. This is also an excellent reason to talk your significant other into joining you in biking adventures.

7. Extra snacking privileges - with all those extra calories burned, you’ll be able to get away with a lot more extracurricular eating, on top of all the veggies and fruits you’ll naturally be craving. Last summer I biked like mad and I was the fittest I’ve been in several years, despite treating myself at least once a week to a nutritionally terrible but utterly delicious McDonald’s cheeseburger and Lay’s potato chip snackstravaganza. (That treat is properly eaten with the chips crushed in the sandwich, by the way. Propriety and decorum be damned.)

8. Related note: food eaten while sitting on one’s bike seat are calorically void* — this includes any and all food purchased from mobile ice cream carts.

9. Enjoying the beauty of nature and the city and its inhabitants. The city observed at a biking pace is quite different from zooming along in a car or bus. You notice and appreciate things you hadn’t seen before. I also love biking up and down the Lakeshore Trail, taking in the fresh breeze, and overhearing tidbits of conversation from fellow park-goers. There’s a lot of marvelous diversity among our fellow citizens, and feeling connected to that is a pretty cool thing.

10. Opportunities to make more friends. Affect bullcrap political motivations for biking and pick up more greenies, hipsters, and vegan anarchists, if that’s your thing, pick up hippie chicks and dudes in bike shops and at red lights if you want to go that way, or join organized events like Critical Mass and make thousands of friends at a time.

On that note, please enjoy this video I made chronicling my first Critical Mass ride, in September of 2007. That was a night to remember — five blissful hours in the saddle and not one, but two amazing post-ride dinners. First, there was a fine beefy meal at Tank Noodle (supplemented by BYOB Guinness), and then, after a nearby birthday party, a 2:00 a.m. run to good old Standee’s on Granville, where I ordered grilled cheese with extra pickles and “whatever kind of pie you have.”

* wishful thinking

Edited to add: this enthusiastic pro-biking post was, indeed, followed up that same day in my offline life by my first real crash, which I wrote about on my personal blog. More of a thump than a crash, and certainly a lesson well-learned: don’t underestimate the might of the Windy City’s wind.

The NFL draft was last weekend. If you ever wanted to learn about the subtle intricacies of the game of football, don’t watch the games themselves. Watch ESPN’s live coverage of the draft. A team selects a player, and then you get a breakdown of that player’s strengths and weaknesses. When watching a game it is easy to deduce the pros and cons of the players who actually handle the ball, but the other guys kinda get lost in the messy pile of players in the middle. But watching the draft you learn that that messy pile is not a mess at all, and is instead the result of careful strategy, finding ways to combine the specific skill sets of individual players into one of two goals: Move the ball, or stop the ball.

In this football fan’s humble opinion, the Bears had one of their best draft weekends in recent years. They shored up their aging offensive line, added depth at key defensive positions, and made for some interesting preseason competition at running back and wide receiver. I’m particularly excited about our first-round pick, OT Chris Williams from Vanderbilt. Six-six, 315 pounds, Williams will provide badly needed pass protection from the left side of the line, and will also allow the old left tackle, John Tait, to return to the right side where he has more experience. Given how porous our offensive line was last year, don’t be surprised if Williams gets added to the mix early. He’s smart, disciplined player, which counts for quite a lot at the pro level. I think I’m gonna like this guy.

I’m also very interested in seeing what happens with our 2nd-round pick, RB Matt Forte from Tulane. Forte finished his college career as the second-ranked running back in the country, with 2,127 yards rushing and 23 touchdowns. Coming from Tulane it might be argued that he hasn’t played much against heavy competition, but his impressive display at the NFL scouting combine (this guy ran the 40-yard dash in 4.46 seconds!) gave a few more points in his favor. He’s a big guy, more of a down-hill, crash-through-the-line kind of back, rather than a guy who makes quick cuts on the outside, which interests me because that’s pretty much the same description as last year’s starter Cedric Benson. Benson has been pretty much a bust since he held out on his first contract after his own draft. He’s been plagued with injuries, and just hasn’t lived up to the hype. Holding onto Benson while trading Thomas Jones was probably the biggest mistake of last year’s offseason.

There’s been a lot of buzz about the fact that the Bears did not draft a quarterback this year. The Bears have already committed to giving Rex Grossman one last shot at regaining the brilliance he showed flashes of two years ago. I think that’s the right move, especially when you consider that there just weren’t that many stand-out QBs available in the draft this year. I doubt that there is any position in football that has a more difficult transition from college to the professional level, and there are just too many intangibles to accurately assess which players have what it takes make it in the NFL. I think it’s safe to say, however, that if we don’t at least make the first round of playoffs then this will be the last we see of both Grossman and Kyle Orton in Bears jerseys.

There won’t be much more football news until it gets closer to the start of preseason, so we shall just have to content ourselves with the fact that right now both of our baseball teams are still at the top of their respective divisions. (Well, as of last night the Cubs are tied at the top of theirs, but the Sox are 2.5 games up! Awesome!)

Bear Down!

My dad was in town this weekend, which means I got to break the monotony of grilled cheese and cereal and eat at a Real Restaurant. Sweet. This week’s choice was Magnolia Cafe in Uptown, and boy, was it ever tasty. As a vegetarian, the pickings were pretty slim, but the options I did find were darn good. I started off with yummy little thyme and goat cheese potato cakes that were totally worth burning the crap out of my tongue for, followed by, quite possibly, the best mixed green and bleu cheese salad I’ve ever eaten. (I didn’t realize how into the greens I was until my dad, after watching me greedily chase around the last dried cranberry on my plate for twenty seconds asked, “Good salad?”)

Dinner was a wild mushroom and herbed ricotta pizza, and although the crust was fantastic and the other toppings were delicious, the overly chewy mushrooms made this my least favorite point in the meal, but that was soon forgotten when the gooey chocolate bread pudding arrived accompanied by a perfectly shaped scoop of vanilla ice cream. I feel bad that my dad is cutting back on his sugar intake right now, but man, did I not want to share that dessert, so it worked out well for both of us.