This is classic political posturing. I’d hoped when I posted my last entry that we were on the verge of a solution. Hell, I even postulated that there might be a reckoning for the bastards who put us in this mess. But no, instead of doing anything to improve the system we’re getting free rides for the elderly. It will mean higher sales taxes and perhaps even higher CTA fares for everyone else.

Boy oh boy, I wish my bike wasn’t stolen.

There’s two sides to this of course- sure, I ride the train every day and I desperately want funding so I can afford it. But also, CTA top brass is a bunch of douchebags. I’m sick of their passive aggressive campaigns to scare riders, and if it means all the desk jockeys get fired and live long, miserable lives I don’t care what happens. Is it too late to add an addendum to the bill stating that anyone who works for the CTA accounting department has to flee the city, excommunication style?

The CTA is my dirty, dirty crackwhore. In addition to getting that whore an income, I’d like to get her a shower and some anti-biotics. Sadly I think this bill may just enable her, and unlike all the rich people making these decisions I have to keep riding her.

I live 13.5 miles from work, so this should be interesting.

(via Gapers Block)

He’s the folk rocker you like even though you hate folk rock. All his songs are about super villains, zombies, web coding, and the Kraken. Sound too hipster-y? Well, he doesn’t come off that way. The man’s style is sincere and literate, and he’s recommended by acclaimed humorist, Daily Show regular, and regular collaborator John Hodgman. There’s an endorsement even troubadour-haters can appreciate.

“There is a different kind of reaction a person gives to Lindsay Lohan than to Anthony Hopkins,” LaBeouf said. “I want that. I don’t want the other side of it, and I try to stay away from that. I realize the position I’m in and how fast it happened. It’s humbling, and it’s crazy. I’m going for more than a five-year career here.”

I spent a lot of time coming up with a crappy Transformer reference for this. Are you ready?

When asked for comment, Optimus Prime said, “From the beginning the Autobots were supportive of this human and his inability to transform. How disappointing that he is just another out of control pretty boy. How troubling it is, his lack of character. There is not more than meets the eye.”

It was the best I could do… Um… Wait.

When questioned by police, Shia LaBeouf stated that he was simply waiting for a magic yellow car from the planet “Cybertron” to arrive that doubled as his designated driver.

Well, at least according to this one magazine, Metroblogging Chicago’s Dan Telfer (me), is 3rd funniest in town.

Last night I competed in Time Out Chicago’s Funniest Person finals, and am pleased to say I knocked out a 3rd place despite some of the stiffest competition possible. I could go on about how humbling it was to be around them, but I already have in my personal blog and I don’t believe in cross-posting nonsense.

Instead, I’m using this as a challenge to you, the person who wants to laugh. Do you know about my regular venue, Chicago Underground Comedy? What about the amazing Lakeshore Theater, who hosted the Time Out event and regularly hosts the absolute best edgy comics in the country? How about The Lincoln Lodge, home of many of my comedian friends and where I will soon be doing a guest set as Zombie Dan Telfer?

I’m not just saying see me there, I’m saying see someone there and see them soon! You’ll notice Chicago captain Fuzzy Gerdes regularly posts on the same types of shows, and it’s because the scene is bubbling over with talent. This year some of our best moved off to the coasts. Why? Because there is zero entertainment dollars going through Chicago (and I don’t count Mayor Daley shipping chunks of NYC over here out of contempt for the hometown artists). So what happened when all our comics left? The people left behind stepped up their game tremendously, that’s what, and it would be insane not to leave your house and check them out before they’re a part of the next bit exodus.

(Image courtesy of Gena Bailey, Time Out Chicago)

That’s right- a plastic glove full of water. Hanging. There were a couple more several feet apart.

Booooooo!