Archive for the ‘General Stupidity’ Category

American Demolition Corp

American Demolition Corp

Me: Hey guys, nice sign.

American Demolition Corp: Yep. Pretty sweet.

Me: I just noticed that that’s not actually an email address, it’s a web address.

American Demolition Corp: CRASH! Sorry, just demolishing things over here. Yeah, we’ve totally got e-mail. We’re Breaking Into The Future!

Me: No, I said that’s not an email. In fact, it looks like you’ve let your domain registration expire, so it’s just a bunch of ads for other companies.

American Demolition Corp: BOOM! What? I can’t hear you over our explosions.

Me: Nevermind. Have fun with the blowing things up!

Your Friday Evening Innuendo

Lincoln Quality Meat Mkt

Nobody? I don’t know if I’d brag about that…

Bakery or Strip Club?


Bunz (1134 W Thorndale). Bakery, I think.

Da Mayor and Northwestern

Well, apparently, a lot of Northwestern students are not happy about the decision to have Mayor Daley speak at Commencement this year. Go figure. You can’t please all the people all of the time. I don’t think that’s such an interesting story.

What I do think is interesting is the response the University President made to a student who wrote to complain. Senior Matthew Braslow e-mailed President Henry Bienen, in which he called the choice a “slap in the face” and that it “proved again why [Northwestern] is falling rapidly in the national rankings.” Pretty immature stuff, for a college senior. But the response from President Bienen was even worse… FTA:

“You sound like a very unhappy person,” Bienen wrote. “I am sorry for that. Hopefully things will improve for you over the years.” Bienen took this one step further, suggesting to Braslow, “By the way you think a commencement speaker has any thing to do with the national stature of Northwestern tells me we failed here in educating you.”

Is that really any way for a University President to respond to a student? Hell, to respond to anyone? Even if the student was acting like a whiny, disrespectful brat, I would have expected someone who’d risen to the level of President of a respected university to take the high road. Looks like Jerry Springer has had more of an influence on Northwestern than I would have guessed…

Help me get on Comedy Central!!!

Don’t Spit the Water is going to Hollywood, CA to audition for Comedy Central. That’s right! We are an amused programmer away from being on basic cable which is my glib nonchalant way of hiding the excitement of possibly doing comedy for a living.

However, traveling to LA is expensive. And we don’t make any money doing the show in Chicago, and we don’t make gobs of money working for a (from left to right in the picture) homeless shelter, Chicago public radio, and the Chicago public school system. In case you were wondering, I’m the guy in the lucha libre mask sans shirt.

That means we need your help to make this trip less expensive for us. All you have to do is join us for drinking, eating, and karaoke at Trader Todd’s this Thursday 8pm-10pm for Blewt! Sings! Your $40 will help send us on our way to stardom and on your way to all you can drink and eat and sing. The crazy characters from Don’t Spit the Water (recently featured on WGN morning news) will be there performing special songs just for the night.

If you can’t make it out on Thursday, then go our website anyway and donate what you can to help us out. Help Chicago’s favorite live comedy game show become America’s favorite live comedy game show!

The Davis/Sherman Thing Gets Uglier

This story will not die.

At the beginning of the whole Monique Davis/Rob Sherman debacle, I checked out Mr. Sherman’s website and decided it kinda made him look like a of a douche. I liked what he had to say, but not always the way he said it. His douchebaggery was reinforced with this genius quote:

Now that Negroes like Representative Monique Davis have political power, it seems that they have no problem at all with discrimination, just as long as it isn’t them who are being discriminated against.

What the hell?!?

I pulled the quote from Friendly Atheist, as Mr. Sherman at least had the good sense to eventually take the quote down. For a more thorough recap of all the ridiculousness you might want to check them out.

The whole thing just sucks. Rep. Davis’ comments last week were ignorant. Mr. Sherman’s response was downright stupid. Nobody wins.

State Rep. Apologizes for Anti-Atheist Rant

After a week’s worth of some of the worst press ever, including being named Worst Person in the World by Keith Olbermann, State Representative Monique Davis has apologized to atheist activist Rob Sherman for her attack on him on the floor of the General Assembly last week. According to the article, Rep. Davis blamed her outburst on having just learned of another student death at Chicago Public Schools. Such news is indeed upsetting; the number of Chicago students killed in gang violence this year is reaching a level difficult to believe. I suspect, however, that she revealed her true feelings about atheism in her tirade.

While it was right for you to apologize, Rep. Davis, don’t try to cover it with a lame excuse. You went off because for some reason you feel threatened by atheists. It is the typical response of the ignorant person: Attack that which you do not understand.

How sad for you. And how sad for Illinois.

I have F.O.S.

Fear of Salons, that is.

As a formerly bad-haired child, I’m very weird about who touches my hair. Trust me, you only need to sport a curly mullet once before you learn that lesson. Seriously.

I haven’t been to a proper salon in almost 5 years. A friend of mine is a licensed hair stylist, and she usually comes to my house and does my hair. Except now I live in Chicago. And she doesn’t. So it’s time to move on.

Not many of you out there get the privilege of actually seeing me IRL, but if you could, you’d be all “get a haircut, hippie!” So, I’m on a quest….for the best hair stylist/salon in Chicago. Or at least in Andersonville.

This is not going to be an easy quest – I’m a total hair snob. Call it post-traumatic stress, call it vanity. I call it “I-had-bad-hair-for-the-first-16-years-and-now-I’m-in-charge”. Yeah. I’m picky.

I did some yelping and found Salon 10, a salon that is supposedly an “Andersonville landmark”. It also happens to be less than a mile from my house. They also happen to only charge $45 for a haircut. That may sound steep to the male readership, but trust me, it’s practically stealing. I may be a snob, but I’m also fond of my disposable income.

So, I made an appointment. I happened to get an appointment with the stylist who was raved the most about on Yelp (Ken), so that was a little comforting. In the meantime, any salon feedback would be greatly appreciated, and I will definitely update on Ken’s prowess.

Wish me luck.

The internet is filled with pranks today

Google did it’s usual pranks for April Fool’s Day. It created gmail backdating, and rickrolled everyone who clicked on videos on the opening page of youtube.

Not to outdone, Chicago had a couple of pranks.

I’m sure you have already seen Time Out Chicago pretending to be bought out by Donald Trump. If not check out the Letter from the Publisher, read the comments and have a good larf (though don’t laugh too hard since Crain’s believed the story at first). TOC also blogged about a new comedy club called Jokeaholics Anonymous set in the Thompson Center and charging $40 a ticket with a three drink minimum. This joke was taken seriously by Stagetime which (unlike Crain’s) has yet to publicly admit that it was a joke.

All of this information appeared originally on the Chicago comedy blog The Bastion on March 27th. Today, the Bastion got into the spirit of April Fool’s day with this post.

Now I have to make sure my roommate did not put any plastic wrap on the toilet.

Stolen moments with Chicago…

So, here’s the thing. For the next four weeks or so, I will be back and forth between my new hip, swingin, amazing pad in Chicago to my old stupid, stinky, job in *gasp* Rockford. It’s awful, and I’m not really happy about it. At all.

But, being the optimist that I am, I have decided to make the best of my situation. Every week when I am in Chicago for all of three days, I will take in as much city life as humanly possible. And then I will tell you all about it. Basically, I am forcing you all to join me on my final countdown as I finally. leave. Rockford. For good.

Seriously. It’s probably going to get to the point where you might even start to hate me a little. You’ll be all “Nellie, we get it, you love Chicago and you’re glad to be here – shut up already!” and I’ll be all “No! You can’t make me!”

First stop this weekend? iO!!

I’m going to go by iO tomorrow night and check out the improv jam. I’ve not been to the jam at iO yet, only Second City, and I’m very interested to see the difference and experience a whole new school of thought! And I’m sure I’ll have a lot to say about my experience afterwards – don’t you worry your pretty little head(s)!

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