I have just been to the WORST DENTIST IN CHICAGO.
Yeah, I know you’re thinking, “Girl, you don’t know from worst! My dentist [insert unthinkable dentistry actions here] this one time and he/she BLOWS!” But this dentist? He did something so horrifying, I almost can’t talk about it.
He left me with a humongous gap between my two front teeth.
I have red hair, dudes. Do you know what this makes me look like? The red hair? The gap you can drive a BMW through? Yeah. It makes me look like fucking Pippi Longstocking on acid.
I haven’t had a gap between my two front teeth since I was sixteen years old and Dr. Wolff up in Lake Bluff decided my teeth were NEVER going to come together in the front without a little help and he heaped a trough of “bonding” material onto those little protuberances of bone and erased my Lauren Hutton from memory. Since that time, I’ve had tons of bonding removed and replaced, but I’ve never had a space appear.
But the dentist at North Pier Dental didn’t seem to think a big glaring HOLE in the middle of my FACE was an issue. No. He just entered the room, didn’t offer me any Novocaine whatsoever, picked up a sanding drill and HAD AT IT. When he got down to what constituted my actual two front teeth he just said, “Huh. Lot of bonding there. Have you considered braces?”
BRACES? Yeah, I’ve considered braces. Especially when I had them TWENTY-THREE YEARS AGO. When I balked at the idea, he wasn’t very comforting. Instead, he just suggested four veneers and some bleaching and, when I started to cry because I knew how much all that would cost, he just sent in his “money girl” and had her hand me a sheet of paper explaining that which I already knew. I had about $3500 of cosmetic dental work coming my way, like, NOW. It appeared that I had two choices here: 1) Let Dr. Death plop about $3500 worth of porcelain onto my front four teeth, probably without benefit of any kind of painkiller AT ALL or 2) leave immediately with a gaping hole between my teeth and seek out a dentist who would just slap some more bonding up there and charge my insurance company for the trouble.
I chose option #2. And I will not be smiling again until someone puts a big piece of plastic between my teeth.
And, yes, I will be suing North Pier Dental immediately. If a loved one of yours is employed there, please don’t take this personally. But if not? DON’T GO THERE. EVER.
Unless you enjoy having your teeth sanded without Novocaine and being slapped with a big honking bill.