Archive for June, 2004

Taste of Chicago

I almost forgot about the Taste of Chicago, even if I have never gone there.  I hate crowds, so I am not about to go there…esp. after seeing the requisite footage of people stuffing their faces with pizza, ribs, etc.  I could never do that!   I am working the usual hours on July 4th, so I will sit this one out… I just have a suspicion they will play up the patriotic stuff more than last year, if only because so many GI’s are dying in Iraq and it is an election year. 

The Wiener’s Circlecision

I was drunkenly enjoying my char-cheddar dog at the Wiener’s Circle, after a hard night of retro-fitted dancing at Neo, when suddnely there was money flying everywhere.

“You are so getting sued! You are so getting sued!”

Now I’ve heard some of the most vile name-calling of my life from both customer & staff at the Wiener’s Circle, so I can’t imagine what this guy in a suit with his cute little girlfriend said to the women behind the counter to warrant them hurling their crammed-full tip jar (actually a stainless steel condiment container) at him.

I laughed at this whiny brat and asked my pal Edgar, “what the hell is all over his face? Oh, it’s catsup.”

“No, it’s blood.”

“No, it’s catsup.”

“No. It’s blood.”

Just then the guy walked outside to the picnic tables where we sat and started squirting blood all over the place in a very Monty Python fashion, his pale blue shirt like a sponge full of shiny maroon blood.

The Wiener’s Circle… number one in Chicago!

I see London…

The London Metroblog has just launched so go check it out:  Same dealie as this site but across the ocean and in a different country.

Load up on Fresh Food

Farmer’s Market season is starting up, which means I am going to start craving blueberry pancakes every day of the week.  But it’s cool, because there is a market to be found alomst every day…

Tuesday – Lincoln Square (by the Western Brown Line stop).  Awesome cherries, although honey sticks were nowhere to be found last week.

Thursday – Daley Plaza.  A huge selection of everything you have ever wanted from a farmer’s market.  I lived for this when I was on jury duty for 3 weeks last summer.  Cheap sunflowers & veggies.

Sunday – Roscoe Village (Jahn school lot).  Fresh bakery items that are awesome.  Usually a lot of gladiolas (gloadioli?) and wild flower bouquets. 

Sunday – Gold Coast (Orleans & Chestnut).  Held at the Cooking and Hospitality Institute, you can find all kinds of squirrelly little things you don’t find at normal markets.  My favorite was the orange and yellow mini tomatoes, great for roasting. 

… and tons more.  The Sun-Times has a complete list for you to find one that’s close to you.  You wanted to start eating better anyway, remember?


Bite Me

I have just been to the WORST DENTIST IN CHICAGO.

Yeah, I know you’re thinking, “Girl, you don’t know from worst! My dentist [insert unthinkable dentistry actions here] this one time and he/she BLOWS!” But this dentist? He did something so horrifying, I almost can’t talk about it.

He left me with a humongous gap between my two front teeth.

I have red hair, dudes. Do you know what this makes me look like? The red hair? The gap you can drive a BMW through? Yeah. It makes me look like fucking Pippi Longstocking on acid.

I haven’t had a gap between my two front teeth since I was sixteen years old and Dr. Wolff up in Lake Bluff decided my teeth were NEVER going to come together in the front without a little help and he heaped a trough of “bonding” material onto those little protuberances of bone and erased my Lauren Hutton from memory. Since that time, I’ve had tons of bonding removed and replaced, but I’ve never had a space appear.

But the dentist at North Pier Dental didn’t seem to think a big glaring HOLE in the middle of my FACE was an issue. No. He just entered the room, didn’t offer me any Novocaine whatsoever, picked up a sanding drill and HAD AT IT. When he got down to what constituted my actual two front teeth he just said, “Huh. Lot of bonding there. Have you considered braces?”

BRACES? Yeah, I’ve considered braces. Especially when I had them TWENTY-THREE YEARS AGO. When I balked at the idea, he wasn’t very comforting. Instead, he just suggested four veneers and some bleaching and, when I started to cry because I knew how much all that would cost, he just sent in his “money girl” and had her hand me a sheet of paper explaining that which I already knew. I had about $3500 of cosmetic dental work coming my way, like, NOW. It appeared that I had two choices here: 1) Let Dr. Death plop about $3500 worth of porcelain onto my front four teeth, probably without benefit of any kind of painkiller AT ALL or 2) leave immediately with a gaping hole between my teeth and seek out a dentist who would just slap some more bonding up there and charge my insurance company for the trouble.

I chose option #2. And I will not be smiling again until someone puts a big piece of plastic between my teeth.

And, yes, I will be suing North Pier Dental immediately. If a loved one of yours is employed there, please don’t take this personally. But if not? DON’T GO THERE. EVER.

Unless you enjoy having your teeth sanded without Novocaine and being slapped with a big honking bill.

Thursday Afternoon

Twice a week, I get to see how gas prices changed.  That is when I am on the bus.  This is a great time of year to be on the bus because everything is so green.  Thanks to all the rain, it seems more so than usual.   I enjoy riding the bus between Highland Park and Evanston because it goes straight north and/or south.   Some bus routes are like snakes-they are so slow and boring.  But I love the 213.

Van “smith grinds” guard rail at Diversey and Racine

I was driving home the other day when this dude in a van hopped the
curb, smacked the guardrail then ended up grinding the guard rail! It
was pretty awesome. It only would of been better if he had enough
momentum to hop off the rail and keep on driving. I figure either this
guy watched Birdhouse’s “The End” too many times and decided that smith grinding
his van would be an amazing idea. Or…. he was on his phone or
something and fucked himself up. It made a great sound by the way…
The corner of Diversey and Racine hadn’t seen this much action since
the 70’s. Baby strollers and Starbucks cups were flying everywhere as
condo-owner panic ensued. People were SURE Al Queda had just shown up in a Ford E-150 to do their worst – create horrible noises!

Wednesday Morning

At least I didn’t have to anywhere at 6am.  I did go to the Liquid Cafe and read the newspaper.  A lot of strange stuff in there!  It struck me that there is a lot of nostalgia out there, but it is not clear just what it is for or why it is needed.


Bucket of Brains

I was finally starting to convince my girlfriend that I would probably not die while riding my new motorcycle and that the new helmet I bought was particularly awesome, when this jackass goes and creates an “I told you so” moment right before our eyes.

We were sitting in my beat up Chevy Nova (the source of one of my arguments, “Motorcycle=safer than the Nova”) at a red light on Halsted in Lincoln Park. In one of those slow-motion moments that really only lasts a couple of seconds, I spotted the headlight of a motorcycle coming up hard behind me, then start to pass me on the right. I looked up at the traffic light because I was worried that I was sitting still at a green light like a drooling idiot, but I was not… for a moment, anyway. The light went green just as the guy on the sportbike entered the intersection at 25-30mph, just in time to catch the SUV which was still making it’s way across the street.

He locked his brakes on the wet pavement and wedged his front tire into the car’s wheel well. Glass, plastic and fiberglass exploded everywhere.

I sat in my car holding off the honking cabs behind me while he got up and collected his bike. As he did, he yelled across to a dapper guy on a motorcycle, “you saw that right?”

This is where I got super pissed. That accident was SO his fault. I mean, perhaps the woman driving the SUV shouldn’t have entered the intersection on yellow, but this guy definitely shouldn’t have been charging toward a red light, while passing on the right, on a wet road while wearing shorts (nor should he ever have been wearing shorts… ever). I mean, it is true that on motorcycles you really have to watch out for “the other guy,” but you also have to not be a complete fucking moron.

I got out of my car and handed both drivers my phone number should they need a witness. Initially, I only wrote it down to give to the woman and was planning on shaking the cyclist violently, screaming “THANKS A LOT ASSHOLE, YOU’VE RUINED ALL MY HARD WORK” but I thought better of it. His brain might already be damaged, not by the fall as he was wearing a “brain bucket” as the other rider called it, but because he obviously has something wrong with him to make a move that dumb.



Shaw’s is having lobsterfest until July 31 which means you get a 1 pound Maine lobster meal for 20 bucks. I went last night and got soft shell crab because they are in season, but that was the wrong thing to do. You get the lobster at lobsterfest. Also, they gave me a free key lime pie since I told them I’ve never been there before. I guess that’s part of lobsterfest. Anyway, I’ll be going back for the lobster so it’s like another first time there.

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