My parents are alcoholic swindlers

… at least according to the Sun-Times. They really have a knack for smart-ass headlines written in a completely dead-pan tone.

Kids aren’t as drunk, crooked as parents were

Jeffrey Butts, director of the youth justice program at the Urban Institute, said the report speaks well of today’s teens.

“Maybe we have the next ‘greatest generation’ coming along here,” Butts said.

Ha ha, they said “butts”.

Unfortuantely, chances are it isn’t the next “greatest generation” as much as it is the next “overweight with trust and intimacy issues” generation. The report also found that “Rates of childhood obesity have soared since 1975, from 5 percent to an estimated 16 percent for 2003. In 1975, about 17 percent of children lived in single-parent households. By 2003, that number had increased to 28 percent, with most of the increase occurring in the 1980s.”

So they swapped the bottle for the burger. That’s progress.

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