Dear Darwin Awards people in charge:

I humbley submit Mr. Robert Johnston.

With his immense stupidity and complete lack of common sense, I believe Mr. Johnston is the acme of assinine. He should stand as a pillar for all those that burn a little less bright.

Not only did he decide to steal a collection jar for charity that contained less than $5 (an act that has 2 bad sides: theft and looking like a jackass with no soul), but he then decided to return to the scene of the crime shortly after in order to purchase a sandwich. Those must be some awesome meatballs.

I would also like to nominate Mr. Johnston for the following categories…

Dumber than a Sack of Aquarium Gravel
Useful as a Bra Made out of Bricks
Not the Sharpest Tool in the Shed
Few Bricks Short of a Full Load
Got the Six Pack, Just not the Rings that Hold It Together
A Few Cards Short of a Full Deck
Not the Brightest Candle on the Cake

Off topic, do you know where I can go to nominate this quote for journalistic hilarity?

“He never did taste those meatballs.”

I appreciate your time

Sincerely,

Lauren Liss

Thanks to Erika and Mike for their incredibly awesome category recommendations.