Each lunch hour, instead of eating, going on a walk or what have you, I drive home from the near west burbs to Roscoe Village (or Grande Villagio de Rosco, as I like to refer to it) and take my pup-pup, Oscar on a walk so he can pee and get some general mid-day lovin’.
Since I despise the Kennedy, the easier way there is to take Elston all the way to Belmont and hang a “Lucy” to the village.

Now, everybody knows the rules of city driving; they are quite similar to Thunderdome. Which is something you learn to deal with real fast if you drive in the city. But today, I was the first line at the light on Elston and Irving Park waiting for the green. There was a younger woman behind for most of the way down Elston driving rather erratically and swerving over every now and then to see if she could make a break for it in the bike lane. As we were both waiting, she behind me, a guy driving a Ford Explorer came up next to me and stopped, clearly pulling the “When-it-turns-green-I’ll-gun-it-and-be-the-first-in-line-before-the-non-existent-right-lane(that’s really meant for people turning right)-ends” move. This is a traffic move I despise, but can rarely rectify with my beefy, Honda, four-cylinder engine. Surprisingly, he did not get in front of me, but he did try and get behind me.

Here’s where it gets fun. Apparently, the woman behind was not about to have that. So, they decided to both ride my ass, side by side in a one-lane Toughman duel-to-the-death contest for the spot directly behind mine. (I was accelerating and not driving like a dipshit by any means okay? seriously, driving normally). Neither would back down; gunning their engines for the upper hand, the minivan spilling herself into the oncoming traffic and the SUV practially sideswiping every car that was parked on Elston. All this for one car length, until the Explorer relented and the minivan-driving woman got just enough ahead.
Well, she won right? They’ll honk at each other, flip the bird etc. right?…..right??
Nope, not even close. The minivan lady found it necessary to slam on her brakes (and she had some solid breaks). The Explorer proceeded to fly into the back of her minivan. Then she proceeded to get out of her car and hit, literally hit the man as he got out of his SUV. And the traffic build-up behind them ensued while they screamed at each other and he fended off her assault in the middle of the street.

Now…..I……I just….I’m speechless. These were “adults.” This is the most disgusting behavior I have witnessed in the city in a while. Two grown people are willing to put themselves, not to mention all the cars and pedestrians in the immediate area in danger. for one fucking car length, in what was not even slow moving traffic. I know driving in the city can be frustrating but…. do I really need to say anything else?
P.S. To make this post a little lighter, here is my pup-pup that I was on my way to see.