First: The coinage “Bacardi Gras,” although it no doubt sounded clever in the agency creative review meeting, is lame.

Second: Read that flyer closely: “$15 ticket includes Party Bust Tour of New Orleans from 7 pm to 2 am.”

I’m confused. 15 bucks gets me from Chi to NO and back by bus in less than 7 hours? I know the Hurricane is one strong-ass drink, but I didn’t think it could allow the imbiber to travel at light speed.

Third: In trying to figure this all out, I stumbled upon the “Hogs and Honeys” website. They too are promoting a “Bacardi Gras”: “Collect the most beads during the night and be our cash prize winner!” Between the photo of the “Honorary Honey of the Week,” “Bachelorettes of the Week,” and, due to their acute sense of gender equality, the “Hog of the Week,” I think I’ll skip “Bacardi Gras” at Hogs and Honeys, and anywhere else for that matter.