Ever find yourself walking down the street and people start yelling “Hey Oprah!” or “Yo, what up Daley!!”???? Yeah? You’re not alone. And now, dammit, you can do something about it. Just like this genius:

A Portland, Ore., man is suing Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for a combined $832 million. Allen Heckard filed suit, contending he has been mistaken for Jordan nearly every day for 15 years and he’s tired of it. “I’m constantly being accused of looking like Michael, and it makes it very uncomfortable for me,” Heckard said. Heckard is suing Jordan for defamation and permanent injury and emotional pain and suffering. He’s suing Knight for defamation and permanent injury for promoting Jordan. At 6 feet tall, Heckard is 6 inches shorter than Jordan. But he does bear a resemblance with a shaved head, an earring in his left ear and conditioning from, yes, playing basketball. How he decided to sue for $416 million each? “Well, you figure with my age and you multiply that times seven and, ah, then I turn around and, ah, I figure that’s what it all boils down to.”

Um, ah, I don’t think that’s going to work. My advice? DON’T TRY TO LOOK LIKE MICHAEL JORDAN.