I was strolling down Clark St this afternoon, and I happened upon a two block stretch between Montrose and Wilson that I have fondly dubbed The Disposable District. I have never in my life seen such a high concentration of crap stores. One establishment after the next proudly displays rhinestone-studded, neon underwear that will surely transform every last item in the wash a pale, blotchy pink before disintegrating in the spin cycle. And I can only hope that the XXXXL airbrushed Tweety Bird sweatshirts disintegrate immediately after purchase, lest someone actually be tempted to wear them.
Shoes built to last for at least a quarter of a mile, pots and pans sets with specially designed fall-off handles, and porous umbrellas perfect for those rainy day strolls when you feel like gettin’ a little drenched–all these and more can be found in The Disposable District, so make haste! Your trash cans can soon be filled with piles of brand new items. Save time, and don’t even bother taking them out of the package. 1) Purchase item(s). 2) Place in trash. 3) Breathe a huge sigh of relief that America’s sacred landfills won’t follow in the doomed footsteps of our fast-fading ice caps. Whew.